Seeds of Hope

Things Always Go Wrong For Me


[Posted on December 3, 2000]

Rev. Turner:

Please pray for me. I have lost friendships and my job. I believe in prayer very much but my faith is eluding me because I feel my relationships are not working. My friends are not there when I need them I always seem to be alone. Why is this happening to me? I am a very loving person but things always seem to turn sour for me, especially in relationships they never seem to last. Now that I am not working. I feel like my life is upside down. I love God and believe in prayer but why is my life so full of disappointment now?

Help,

Heather


Dear Heather,

Wow. What a bad place to be in. I can tell you I can relate to all those feelings that you have expressed in your letter. I have had those sorts of feelings only just recently. You see my partner and I broke up after 18 years. I have felt very lonely and withdrawn. My friends have said they are here for me, they will support me. But like you, what I really need and want they cannot give me. It really is not a point if they are there for you or me but that they don't have what we need. It is kind of like going to your favorite store, which had everything in the past that you could possibly want...but this one product is not on the shelf and they just don't carry or stock it. Doesn't mean the store is bad or "not there" for you or it's not your favorite place anymore... it just doesn't have that item.

I have not been dating long and at this point as a matter of fact have not even had an "official date." Yet, I am finding it very difficult and frustrating to just have a date let alone anything else. I, too, am a very loving, compassionate and caring person, yet those I am interested in have no real interest in me. Of course those that I have no interest in are the ones who seem to be interested in me. Gay and lesbian relationships are very difficult and dangerous, since you have two people who have been taught all their lives their love is bad and ugly. So when people get together they do this with all sorts of baggage that sometimes just becomes too cumbersome to move on. I think there are far more people out there whose baggage makes it impossible for them to know what they want or need. Because you are caring and loving you of course are attractive to them and because of their unsettled issues the relationship that you thought you were starting ends. Yep that indeed is a bummer. It hurts like hell. However, there will be one who can be God's gift to you.

But I must tell you as I tell myself daily -- God is with you.

Some of your self worth that helped you feel okay and survive was and is tied up in our jobs. When we lose that we lose another piece of ourselves along with our focus. However, oh, person of faith, there is another job for you.

But, I must tell you as I tell myself daily amongst the tears -- God is with you.

As hard as it is my child of God, remember, "life is a journey and not a destination." You and I are experiencing a very rough part of that journey. The road is rough, the weather stinks, and the people along this part of the journey are not so hot either. However, remember, God is with you.

Remember Job, David, Ruth, Esther, the Samaritan Woman, Noah, Jonathan, Moses, the mother of Jesus and yes, Jesus. God was with them every step of the way. That is why they did what they did. They did what you and I must do. Remember, it is just part of the journey and God is with us for the whole thing not just the good parts. Things will change and for the person of faith there will be blessings. Try, and I will try with you, to "Be still and know that God is God." God's promise to us is for an abundant life, but in order to grow we will need to endure some pain. It is indeed part of the process. I will hang in there and pray for you as you hang in there and pray for me.

God Bless,

Pastor Paul



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Rev. Turner is Sr. Pastor at Gentle Spirit Christian Church in Atlanta, Georgia.

If you are seeking guidance and pastoral care on your journey to fullness as a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered person, please contact Pastor Paul directly at pastorpaul@whosoever.org.