Seeds of Hope

My Partner Left Me and I'm Confused


[Posted on July 13, 2001]

Rev. Turner:

My partner left me last week on our 1st year anniversary. We had a rocky first year and last month she cheated. She did not want to break up and she told me how much she loved me. I tried to get past the cheating but I harbored some real resentment.

Last Saturday, we saw the girl she cheated with. The woman came to me and hugged me and said she was sorry. Later on the same woman and my partner were talking. I found them and when I came up the woman said some ugly stuff. I attacked her. My girlfriend followed me out and told me it was over.

The next day I begged her to go to counseling with me and she refused. She said she was tired and did not want to be in this relationship anymore. I told her I was having problems with the cheating and we could get help. She said no and to not rehash what she did.

We have talked. She is living with a friend that she and I have found out that lied to both of us about what each other has said about the breakup. The girl is also going through a breakup and just lost her job. This girl also told my partner things I told her not to say.

My partner asked me not to tell the girl about us knowing about the lies. My partner says she must live with her until July. My partner knows she is a liar but went to the beach this weekend with her, while I keep her dog (her dog is living with me in the house until she gets a place where she can stay). I told her it is not fair. She said I decided to stay in the house and she is still paying rent so I can keep the dog. I became upset. I told her how could she stay with someone who lies and how could she cheat on me. She immediately stated she did not want to rehash that.

I told her she made the choice to leave, not me. She said if she would not have left first I would have. She also stated that I want her back and she does not.

I was praying the other night and I asked God what was she going to do come back or stay away. My room was dark and all of a sudden a bright light blinked. I was dumbfounded. I asked again and the light blinked. Soon after that I felt that she was coming back to me but not for the right reasons. I have not cried since then.

Please tell me was that a spiritual vision or just my mind playing games. I am so confused.

Stacy


Dear Stacy,

I am very sorry you have gone through what you have gone through. However, from what you have written, you are better off to wipe the dust from your sandals and move on. This relationship has more twists and turns then a maze in England. It is far from healthy. A partner who finds a need to step out of the relationship for a sexual fling within the first year is only giving you a message of what is to come. The refusal to go to counseling is never a good sign in my opinion. She has also stated she doesn't want the relationship anymore. As hard as that may be for you to accept you must recognize it takes two committed people to make a relationship work. That is certainly not the case here.

I am not sure what the vision was that you had except maybe God turning on the lights to a bad and unhealthy relationship. Also, if you really want to put this to rest, forgive her and move on with your life.

God Bless,

Pastor Paul



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Rev. Turner is Sr. Pastor at Gentle Spirit Christian Church in Atlanta, Georgia.

If you are seeking guidance and pastoral care on your journey to fullness as a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered person, please contact Pastor Paul directly at pastorpaul@whosoever.org.