Should I Tell My Ex That I'm Sick?
Rev. Turner:I am Alex and I am originally from Costa Rica. I am 35 year old and a gay man. I came to the United States 3 years and 4 months ago. My relationship with God has not been really good even though I was raised in a Christian home. I always felt to far from God probably because I was already struggling with being gay, you know with all those sermons about being gay. Anyway, I decided to come out of the closet when I was 20 and everything became worse. I think because I started looking for somebody to love in the wrong way in the wrong places. I found people that just wanted to have sex and not healthy relationships. In my search for somebody I started being promiscuous which I know now it is not a good thing and regret that so much.
I am feeling so lonely and confused. I met a guy 4 months ago. We just see each other to have sex even though I wanted to have something more serious with him. I kept doing what he wanted me to do. When I told him that I wanted more than that he said that he was not ready for a relationship so I broke up with him. After that I begun feeling very sick, at first I thought that was because I was very sad which I really was but I started feeling worst so I went to the doctor. After some blood tests he told me that I had hepatitis B. Since then I have been very sad and confused. I was wondering if I got this from this guy or someone before him. I was so worried for him I could not forgive myself if I infected somebody. So, anyway I called him to see how he is doing and he seems to be ok but I could not tell him what I was going through. He told me that he was sorry for the way this ended up and he wanted to start all over in the right way and give us a try. I was so happy but I knew that I was sick and did not know for sure if I got it from him or not, and I was thinking also that I was being punished by God.
So I started avoiding him, making excuses for not to see him, although I was dying to be with him so I told him that did not want to see him anymore. I felt bad because I did not tell him the truth and because I still feel something in my heart for him. I am so scared for what is ahead, my health, my relationship with God and with that guy. I will appreciate if wrote to me some answers and advice.
Alex
Dear Alex,
I am very sorry to hear about your challenges. Your story underscores why we need to
have more education within the gay community about why our love is not some dirty
dark secret. During the advent of AIDS an activist group came up with a
very truthful phrase; "Silence=Death". Because you came out late in life
and because you had no one to talk compassionately with, you participated in
things that put you at risk. You did not obtain this illness because
God is punishing you. It was because you did not have enough information on
how to protect yourself and others. This is not God, but rather us
suffering the consequences of our actions that are ill-informed.
In order to have any kind of relationship with a person it must have open
and honest communication. You must tell your former boyfriend what is going
on with you. You must practice safe sex regardless at all times with all
people. Avoiding him and not talking with him is not helping matters but
rather putting more and more people at risk. Hepatitis B is treatable and
controllable. While it presents a hassle you do not need to fear for your
life, unless you do not take care of yourself and continue the practice of
un-safe sex.
God is love and holds that gift out to all creation. Never be ashamed of
this love God has given you. It is shame and guilt about our love that
causes us to hide and take risks with our lives and others. Remember Jesus
said: "You are the light of the world. A town put on a hill may be seen by
all. And a burning light is not put under a vessel, but on its table; so
that its rays may be shining on all who are in the house. Even so let your
light be shining before all, so that they may see your good works and give
glory to your God in heaven." (Matthew 5:14-16)
You belong to God and we all make mistakes. We must not live in guilt for
those mistakes but rather accept the forgiveness and learn from the
experience. My friend, as a child of God you owe it to this man to tell him the
truth and give him this information:
Hepatitis B:
Hepatitis B is an infection of the liver caused by a virus. It's 100 times
more infectious than HIV. About 300,000 Americans get hepatitis B each year.
Most people recover, but a few become chronic carriers with increased risk
of serious problems later, such as permanent liver disease and cancer of the
liver.
Symptoms:
Testing:
Treatment:
Prevention:
http://www.unspeakable.com/facts/hepatit.html
http://www.hon.ch/Library/Theme/Hepatitis/
God Bless,
Symptoms usually appear within 2 to 6 weeks after contact. They can include
poor appetite; nausea; vomiting; headaches; general malaise; jaundice
(yellowing of eyes and skin); dark, tea-colored urine; and light-colored
stools. Even without symptoms, you can pass the virus to others. Chronic
carriers carry the hepatitis B virus for the rest of their lives and
unknowingly pass it to their sex partners.
Routine testing is not usually indicated unless the patient is symptomatic
from jaundice or has had recent sexual exposure to someone with hepatitis.
Sometimes, serological testing is done as part of a hepatitis B vaccination
program. However, if you've already had hepatitis B, you don't need to be
vaccinated. Remember that 90% to 95% of people who have hepatitis B will
fully recover.
For acute hepatitis B, treatment includes rest and diet. There are some new
treatments for chronic hepatitis, including interferon. If your sex partner
or a member of your household is found to have hepatitis B, you should
consult your doctor or healthcare provider and get immunized. Immunization
may include hepatitis B immune globulin and hepatitis B vaccination series.
Like acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS), the hepatitis B virus is
spread through contact with infected blood or body fluids. You can get
hepatitis B from vaginal, oral, or anal intercourse. It also can be passed
from an infected mother to her baby during childbirth. To minimize your risk
of contracting hepatitis B, do not share needles or syringes, or instruments
used in ear-piercing, tattooing, or hair removal. Do not share toothbrushes
or razors. If you have sex, reduce your risk by using condoms. If you are
infected, avoid sex and other close contact, such as kissing, until your
doctor says it's okay. Hepatitis B is the only sexually transmitted disease
(STD) that can be effectively prevented by a vaccine. The Centers for
Disease Control (CDC) now recommends vaccination for all newborns in order
to prevent infection of hepatitis B later on. The vaccine is highly
effective and should be strongly considered. Check with your doctor to find
out if you should be vaccinated against it.
If you are seeking guidance and pastoral care on your journey to fullness as a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered person, please contact Pastor Paul directly at pastorpaul@whosoever.org.