Lo-Cal Church

Has the heaviness of you old fashioned church got you weighted down? Try us! We are the New and Improved Lite Church of the Valley.

Studies have shown we have 24% fewer commitments than other churches. We guarantee to trim off guilt, because we are Low-Cal. Low Calvin, that is.

We are the home of the 7.5% tithe. We promise 35-minute worship services, with 7-minute sermons.

Next Sunday's exciting text is the story of the Feeding of the 500. We have only 6 Commandments -- Your choice!

We use just 3 gospels in our contemporary New Testament "Good Sound Bites for Modern Human Beings." We take the offering every other week, all major credit cards accepted, of course. We are looking forward with great anticipation to our 800-year Millennium.

Yes, the New and Improved Lite Church of the Valley could be just what you are looking for.

We are everything you want in a church... and less!

Copyright by the author All Rights Reserved

Support Whosoever

Make a tax-deductible donation to support our work.

Donate to Whosoever

Is Your Faith Bulletproof?

Bulletproof Faith Cover

Endorsed by such religious leaders as Archbishop Desmond Tutu and Bishop John Shelby Spong and named one of the Best Spiritual Books of 2008, Whosoever founder Candace Chellew-Hodge's first book Bulletproof Faith: A Spiritual Survival Guide for Gay and Lesbian Christians is making an impact in the lives of LGBT Christians.

Get Your Copy Today!

Get Whosoever News in Your Email!


Become a
Rainbow Fish

Join Whosoever's regional groups and meet GLBT Christians in your area.

Podcasts

Subscribe to Whosoever's Podcasts

Whosoever Podcast link

Got a Suggestion?

If you have complaint, a compliment, a story idea or just need to vent, use our suggestion box.