Paul's Chain Letter To The Corinthians


What if Paul was the type to send chain letters? What if Paul really wrote chain letters in King James English? (This of course is the only authorized version of any respectable chain letter.)


The Chain Letter of Paul the Apostle to the Corinthians. With love all things are possible. This epistle comes to you from Philippi. Grace be to you and peace. Spiritual gifts will be delivered unto you within four days of receiving this letter - providing you in turn send it on.

This is no joke. Send copies to whomsoever among the Gentiles or superstitious peoples of other denominations you would comfort in all their tribulation. Do not send material things. Love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up.

While visiting the household of Stephanas, a Macedonian proconsul received the epistle and was greeted by his brethren by a holy kiss. But he broke the chain, and now he is become as sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal.

Gaius bestowed all his goods to feed the poor, and gave his body to be burned, but it profited him nothing. He failed to circulate the letter. However, before his death, he received the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.

Do note the following: Crispus had the gift of prophecy, and understood all mysteries, and all knowledge, and had all faith, so that he could remove mountains. But he forgot that the epistle had to leave his hands within 96 hours, and now he is nothing.

In AD 37, the epistle was received by a young Galatian woman who put it aside to copy and send out later. She was plagued by various problems: thrice she was beaten with rods, once she was stoned, and thrice suffered shipwreck. On the last day of these occasions, she spent a night and day in the deep. Finally, she copied the letter. A trumpet sounded, and she was raised incorruptible.

Remember: Believeth all things, hopeth all things. The chain never faileth.

--St. Paul (you think?)


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