An Adam And Steve Love Story
are the words erection and God used in the same sentence. Why is this? If
God invented sex, sexuality, sexual desire, sexual orientation, erections,
and orgasms then why is there such timidity in discussing such topics openly
during a Sunday school discussion or even during a sermon?
Why is there such an uncomfortable mood when speaking frankly and
unabashedly about the joys and challenges of sex within the spiritual
context in which we live and breathe especially within the black
gay/lesbian community? Sex isn't just for procreation and
reproduction, but was also created as an intimate spiritual exchange
between two people for their mutual enjoyment and understanding.
However, within the same-gender-loving community, there is still a
staunch resistance to the idea of marrying our spirituality with our
sexuality especially when it comes to our gay/lesbian dating and
Many still believe that "God won't bless this mess" so why pray about
our romantic relationships and the sexual expressions that come from
it. There is still fear and shame from gays/lesbians in coming to God
in complete honesty and asking for his guidance and advice in
ordaining and blessing their same-gender-loving relationships.
It is this mental resistance that we must finally shed as we pursue
healthy, monogamous, same-gender-loving relationships within a
growing spiritual relationship with God and with each other. Hence,
we as black gay/lesbians must now learn to pursue a "Spiritual
Romance" with one another and not just a sexual one.
So what is a Spiritual Romance? It is the fullest integration of one's spiritualism
and one's romanticism. It is the dynamic merging and crystallization of
one's faith/belief system and one's emotional and erotic connection with
the opposite or same gender.
Spiritual Romance is the "how to" of meeting, greeting, dating, and
committing to one another within a covenant relationship under the
spiritual auspices of God. And for the same-gender-loving community
there is no difference. Spiritual Romance is the "how to" of how
Adam and Steve and Ruth and Naomi, meet, greet, date, and commit to
one another within a covenant relationship under the spiritual
auspices of God.
There are three major steps we must take in order to enter into the
realm of Spiritual Romance.
1. Focus first on your relationship with God
and the rest will follow Let God define who you are, never allow anyone
else to do it. Learn to submit to him, lean upon him, listen to him, and
trust him for your every need and desire in life. Allow God to complete
you and bestow upon you your purpose in life. Seek to discover and to
live out your spiritual gifts and talents without shame or denial of who
you are in the process.
Understand who you are in the entire universal plan. Meditate and
pray often. Become a completed, whole, confident being before even
thinking about engaging in a serious committed same-gender-loving
2. Pray asking God to direct and guide you to the same-gender-loving
person that you are seeking. Obviously this step is a very difficult one
for many. As a result, too many people needlessly toil and suffer in their
dating and relationships because they feel too guilty, ashamed, and unworthy
to ask God for direction and romantic guidance concerning a person of
the same gender.
By clinging to their unworthiness state, many gay/lesbians truly miss
out on an opportunity to be blessed by God. They forget the word
says to step boldly to his throne and to also ask anything in Jesus'
name. They forget the scripture that says to delight yourself in the
Lord and he will bless you with the desires of your heart.
If you sincerely want a monogamous, loving, trusting, and spiritually
grounded relationship with a person of the same gender, then you must
pray to God, sharing with him exactly what your desires are.
You must pray before this person comes into your life, pray during
the relationship both separately and together, and then continue to
pray in the event the two of you should separate. Prayer should be a
constant in all of our lives, and not reserved for special moments of
3. Opposites may attract but like personalities with
a spiritually yoked person is a much wiser choice.
A relationship is a ying-yang, push-pull, complementary, thriving,
and continued growth experience. As your mutual love for God grows,
so does your relationship along with your ability to withstand the
slings, arrows, darts, circumstances and events that will impact
against your relationship and each other.
Being both spiritually yoked does not mean that you must believe and
understand identically, but instead it means that the two of you hold
very similar belief systems and approaches to life. When you have
these things in common, growth occurs. When growth occurs, it will
happen to both of you and not just to one of you. Further, the
growth will occur in the same direction, binding the two of you
When people grow apart it is often because one has grown into a new
dimension in their lives while the other one hasn't. The change
happens gradually over time and is often unnoticed. Gays/lesbians
must take a special effort to do more spiritual screening and
consideration before going forward into a relationship.
Internalized homophobia is a major hurdle to overcome. If one of you
has overcome it spiritually and the other one still thinks homosexuality
is a sin, then you must consider the strain and stress upon your relationship.
Finally, there are no guarantees that a spiritually yoked same-gender-loving
couple will remain together. There are still many other factors that weigh
heavily upon the success of your relationship. However, a spiritually
yoked same-gender loving couple has a much better chance of staying together
trough thick and thin over the course of time because of their like belief
systems and approaches to life.
Herndon L. Davis
is a Los Angeles based writer and author of "Black, Gay & Christian" and
can be reached at http://blackgaychristian.com
Copyright © by the author
All Rights Reserved
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