Seeds of Hope

Becoming Ex-Gay


[Posted on September 21, 1999]

Rev. Turner:

Can I say something?

Yes, I'm a Christian and I believe in a way that I have lesbian feelings, but I STRONGLY believe that it is SO WRONG!!!!!! Whether or not you believe me it doesn't matter. If you claim to believe the BIBLE then you should believe all of it ... NOT JUST THE PARTS YOU WANT. IT'S CLEAR IN THE BIBLE HOW DISGUSTING it is in his eyes to such relationships. HE doesn't condemn YOU, BUT he condemns your (my) actions. I am a recovering lesbian and pray for strength to change my ways before the LORD comes to take 'his own' home. I want to be one of 'his own.' But with this life style, I will never be the Christian God wants me to be. I love you all. I'd love to talk to you but I don't yet have an address. But I'll be back.

My name?

Madeline (22yrs)


Dear Madeline,

I am going to assume your are not shouting at me with all the capitalization in your letter since that, for a Christian, would be rude. So I will assume that all the capitals are for emphasis since e-mail does not allow for bold print. Otherwise I could not respond since I do not respond to being screamed at.

You say, "I believe in a way that I have lesbian feelings." What does this mean? Have you had same gender sex? Have you experienced anything more than just normal curiosity of what it is like to be with someone of the same gender?

Of course whether I believe you or not about it being wrong is important. It is important Madeline because you are a child of God and what you are feeling and experiencing is in fact very important.

Madeline, it is not a matter of if I believe the Bible. I believe the Bible is a sacred work that was inspired by God and written by people. I, after years of study (about 25 years), have come to the conclusion that there are mistakes in the translation of the Bible. By the way, I would raise again as I have before -- which translation of the American Bible is the word of God? Since there are 27 different translations out there, I would have thought in your 22 years of life you might have figured out which one is the absolute and final word of God.

HE doesn't condemn YOU, BUT he condemns your (my) actions. I am a recovering lesbian and pray for strength to change my ways before the LORD comes to take 'his own' home. I want to be one of 'his own.' But with this life style, I will never be the 'Christian God wants me to be.

Madeline, who told you this? Did God say to you that a loving, committed and deeply caring relationship with a womyn was wrong. Did God say that if you were a lesbian that you could change? Has God said that as long as you don't have sex with the same gender, I won't harm you? Did God come to you and say, "I hate what I have created you to be. So stop it!"?

No, Madeline, that wasn't God, but rather people who want to make a lot of money scaring people like you into believing that loving another person deeply and intimately is wrong. These people are the Pharisees of our day. They are good marketers. They know how to make a buck. Blasting homosexuals outright is no longer a popular thing to do, since the public is figuring out the truth that GLBT people present no danger to society but rather add to it. So they had to come up with a "softer and gentler" approach: you can change if you just let God into your life. Then everything will be OK.

My dear sister in Christ, only those who have been duped and emotional beaten into submission consider themselves ex-gays. A little research shows that the desires and needs stay the same, only the behavior changes. If the behavior has changed and not the heart, what has been gained?

What does it take to be a Christian? If my memory serves me correctly I thought this was the only requirement: "For God had such love for the world that God gave God's only Son, so that whosoever believes in him may not come to destruction but have eternal life."

If you believe in the Christ then there is nothing in your sexual orientation to change or remove. Your recovery needs to be from the slime that would tell you that you are not a part of God's family not a recovery from yourself.

I will say this again to all who would say that Madaline has to or can Change: There is nothing in all of scripture where God, Jesus or even Paul condemns love and sex that is nurturing, caring, committed and uplifting. The only sex that is ever condemned is that which is abusive and without love or done for the purpose of worshipping a foreign God.

So, yes, I say to those who author, bankroll and market in a way of selling used cars this sort of campaign to say there is the possibility of being ex-gay: you are slime, because you know that you are lying. You know there is no reason for a person to change who they love and care for. You know we do not present a danger to you. You are just interested in making a buck off of people like Madeline. Those who author, bankroll and promote this ex-gay thing have become exactly what Jesus was talking about when he said: "A curse is on you, scribes and Pharisees, false ones! For you go about land and sea to get one disciple and, having them, you make them twice as much a child of hell as yourselves. Even so you seem to people to be full of righteousness, but inside you are all false and full of wrongdoing. (Matthew 23:15 & 28).

If you think I am being harsh check with P-Fox (Parents and Friends of Ex-gays). Ask them where their money is now. Ask them if the authors of this movement are still with them, supporting them. Or did they use them and throw them away like yesterday's garbage?

Child of God, the only thing that is required of you is to do justice, act mercifully and walk humbly with your God, not change who you love. God bless,

Pastor Paul


Rev. Turner is Sr. Pastor at Gentle Spirit Christian Church in Atlanta, Georgia.

If you are seeking guidance and pastoral care on your journey to fullness as a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered person, please contact Pastor Paul directly at pastorpaul@whosoever.org.