Seeds of Hope

Problems With New Relationship


[Posted on March 4, 2000]

Rev. Turner:

I have read about 30 letters [from people] you have been kind enough to share your views and thoughts with, and would like to know your response to this: You mentioned in a letter about sex out of wedlock, and that wedlock meant to commit to your spouse, to God and to your community that you had made this commitment. I am coming out of a 21 year marriage, normal, if there is such a thing) and have gotten involved in a lesbian relationship. I have been separated over a year and a half. This woman and I have been together about 7 months and talk about getting married, but we are not rushing. She is a lesbian, has been all her life. She is afraid the "new" will wear off here. I am in love with her and understand her fears. My question is this. What if I do not feel I am ready to come out of the closet? I have children and it isn't what I think a wise decision right now. I have prayed and the best solution has been to just take it one day at a time. Sometimes that doesn't seem to be enough. I am in my 7th year of alcohol recovery and also take medication for long term depression. I don't have to tell you that this has a been roller coaster for me, but I have to say that I wonder where I stand with God. Your letter and this webzine help quite a bit to reassure me that I won't burn in hell for the simple reason that a lot of my hell has been here on earth. I only know that God led me to AA, and He keeps me sober and I believe He led this woman to me. Can you help with any positive feedback concerning this dilemma? Thank You,

Lorraine


Dear Lorraine,

I guess you may not feel my feedback is going be positive if you are not ready to come out. Marriage is about making a covenant between you and your partner, God and Community. Your children are apart of that community. Your love is valid and beautiful. It is not something to be hidden or, with shame, explained away.

You say you have been in recovery for 7 years. I have been in recovery for over 10 years. We know that what leads to addictive behavior is secrets, shame and lies. What helps us maintain our recovery is the truth, pride and an open and aboveboard life. We know that the only thing that can restore us to Sanity is turning it over to our Higher Power. Your timing is not always God's timing. You are correct. God keeps you sober and has lead you to this women. So, my child of God, my positive feedback? You are a child of God whom God has blessed. It is a part of your recovery and according to the 12th step we are bound to tell it wherever we go!

God bless,

Pastor Paul


Rev. Turner is Sr. Pastor at Gentle Spirit Christian Church in Atlanta, Georgia.

If you are seeking guidance and pastoral care on your journey to fullness as a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered person, please contact Pastor Paul directly at pastorpaul@whosoever.org.