Seeds of Hope

Sex Out of Wedlock


[Posted on November 26, 1999]

Rev. Turner:

I'm a Gay Christian. Well, I have a boyfriend, and he is a devoted Christian too. My question is, once a week, we have time of "intimacy". Is it wrong, even though we are not married? The Bible says it can be only in wedlock, but we love each other, please write back, thanks :)


Dear Child of God,

You say that you love each other. Have you made a commitment to each other? Have you promised to be with each other?

Wedlock or marriage that the Bible speaks is about making a covenant or promise to God, yourselves and your community. In other words you commit yourselves and your relationship to God.

If you have proclaimed to the community you are a couple, made your commitment to each other, and you understand that it is God that blesses you both and is at the center of this relationship then you commit NO SIN in being intimate.

I might add that "Holy Unions", "Commitment Ceremonies" and "Heterosexual Marriage" are all formal proclamations of the aforementioned. As a witness to your community you might at some point want to consider some sort of ceremony. Depending on where in the country or world you are there are Gay Churches or Gay Friendly churches that will perform such a ceremony.

God bless,

Pastor Paul


Rev. Turner is Sr. Pastor at Gentle Spirit Christian Church in Atlanta, Georgia.

If you are seeking guidance and pastoral care on your journey to fullness as a gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered person, please contact Pastor Paul directly at pastorpaul@whosoever.org.