The Fate of Deleted Characters
QUESTION: Where do the characters go when I use my
backspace or delete them on my PC?
ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on
whom you ask:
- The Catholic Church's approach to characters: The nice
characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light
of happiness. The naughty characters are punished for their
sins. Naughty characters are those involved in the creation
of naughty words, such as "breast," "sex" and
- The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived
rightly, and its karma is good, then after it has been
deleted it will be reincarnated as a different, higher
character. Those funny characters above the numbers on your
keyboard will become numbers, numbers will become letters,
and lower-case letters will become upper-case.
- The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who
cares? It doesn't really matter if they're on the page,
deleted, undeleted, underlined, etc. It's all the same.
- The Mac user's explanation: All the characters written on
a PC and then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you're
using a PC, you can probably see the deleted characters,
because you're in PC hell also.
- Stephen King's explanation: Every time you hit the (Del)
key you unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears
the poor unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their
blood, then eats them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!
- Dave Barry's explanation: The deleted characters are
shipped to Battle Creek, Michigan, where they're made into
Pop-Tart filling; this explains why Pop-Tarts are so
flammable, while cheap imitations are not flammable. I'm not
making this up.
- IBM's explanation: The characters are not real. They
exist only on the screen when they are needed, as concepts,
so to delete them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a
- PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals)
explanation: You've been DELETING them??? Can't you hear
them SCREAMING??? Why don't you go CLUB some BABY SEALS
while wearing a MINK, you pig!!!!
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