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You Know You're in a Redneck Church If:

    • The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.


    • If people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.


    • When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.


    • Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.


    • A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."


    • The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".


    • In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.


    • Baptism is referred to as "branding."


    • High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.


    • People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.


    • The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.


    • The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.


    • The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.


    • Instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.


    • The minister and his wife drive matching pick up trucks.


    • The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Pink Tickle."


    • "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.


    • The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear!"

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