2 Rebuttals to “7 Things I Wish Pro-Gay People Would Admit”

Whosoever Founder Rev. Candace Chellew came across Bob Davies’ “Seven Things I Wish Pro-Gay People Would Admit”, which currently lives on the website of an ex-gay ministry, and felt compelled to refute it point by point. Here she’s joined by Bob Fredricks.

Seven Things I Wish
Pro-Gay People Would Admit
By Bob Davies
Seven Holes in “Seven Things I Wish Pro-Gay People Would Admit” 
By Bob Fredricks
Seven Things I Wish
Anti-Gay People Would Admit
By Rev. Candace Chellew
1. I wish they would admit that many people are not happy with their homosexuality or lesbianism, and that this conflict is internal, based on legitimate, intelligent religious and moral convictions–not just the result of a so-called “homophobic” society which is forcing guilt upon people who don’t conform to a heterosexual ethic. Stop throwing out the cheap, inaccurate labels like “internalized homophobia” to explain our motivations. 1. Heterosexuality is an ethic? Heterosexuals choose their orientation based on what is ethical? I think NOT! 1. I wish they would admit that many people are very happy with their homosexuality or lesbianism, and that there is no internal conflict. Based on intelligent religious and moral convictions, homosexuals are assured they are in the place God has for them, and there is nothing wrong with their sexual orientation. They do not feel the need to “come out” of their homosexuality simply because of the guilt anti-gay forces try to impose upon them. Stop throwing around the cheap, inaccurate labels like “immoral lifestyle” to explain our lives.
2. I wish they would acknowledge that homosexuals and lesbians can experience significant change in their sexual feelings and desires, even though they may never be totally heterosexual in their sexual thoughts and feelings. Be honest enough to admit that such change is significant and genuine, even if it isn’t complete. 2. If gays and “lesbians can experience sexual changes even though they may never be totally heterosexual.” They can never be heterosexuals. If the change isn’t complete, it hasn’t occurred. 2. I wish they would acknowledge that homosexuals and lesbians can experience significant joy and fulfillment through their sexual feelings and desires. Be honest enough to admit that fulfilling relationships are possible within a homosexual context.
3. I wish they would acknowledge that many former homosexuals and lesbians have found a greater measure of peace and satisfaction after leaving a gay or lesbian lifestyle than they ever experienced while embracing homosexuality. Not all “ex-gays” are miserable, plotting how to secretly fulfill their homosexual lusts without being caught. 3. Leaving the so-called “lifestyle” doesn’t change what you are. And, just what is the “lifestyle?” I don’t know two gay people who are alike in their lifestyle. 3. I wish they would acknowledge that present homosexuals and lesbians find a greater measure of peace and satisfaction after leaving a heterosexual lifestyle than they ever experienced while embracing heterosexuality. Those “ex-gays” who aren’t miserable, and can honestly say they have no more feelings of homosexual attraction, were probably never gay to begin with, and they have “come out” as heterosexuals, much like a homosexual “coming out” of heterosexuality. These people most likely won’t even refer to themselves as “ex-gays” … they have moved on with their lives.
4. I wish they would acknowledge that many former homosexuals and lesbians have genuine joy in their marriages. Most former gays and lesbians don’t get married in a futile attemptto “escape” homosexuality; they marry as a natural consequence of resolving that issue in their lives.

 

4. “Genuine joy in their marriages” comes from companionship not sex. Gays who live together for 40 years are not just roommates. (I know of just such a couple in Hawaii, and I’ve lived with the same man for 22 years.) 4. I wish they would acknowledge that many homosexuals and lesbians have genuine joy in their marriages (or holy unions)! Most gays and lesbians seek that solid relationship on which to build their future. They marry, or have holy unions, as a natural consequence of realizing their homosexuality is proper and natural.
5. I wish they would acknowledge that all people have as much right to pursue a heterosexual lifestyle as they do to pursue homosexuality. Former homosexuals and lesbians should not be harassed and castigated by the gay community. But I have never heard any gay or lesbian leaders speak out against the violence (such as bomb threats and physical/verbal abuse) which some people perpetuate against Exodus ministries. 5. I wish heterosexuals would acknowledge that homosexuals have as much right to pursue their relationships as heterosexuals do, but some heterosexuals won’t acknowledge this as acceptable. We, as gay people, know very well about threats from the receiving end, but heterosexuals seem to be more successful at it as exemplified by Oklahoma City. 5. I wish they would acknowledge that all people have as much right to pursue a homosexual relationship as they do to pursue heterosexuality. Gays and lesbians should not be harassed and castigated by the “ex-gay” community. I have never heard any “ex-gay” leaders speak out against the violence (such as the bombing at an Atlanta gay nightclub) perpetrated against the gay community.
6. I wish they would stop equating our decision to leave homosexuality with “hatred” and “bigotry” against gays and lesbians. We don’t hate gays; we simply desire to live free of homosexuality. Don’t put nasty labels upon our motives. That’s being judgmental and unfair. 6. “We don’t hate gays; we simply desire to live free of homosexuality.” Interesting, some Southern whites simply want to live free of blackness, and you’d call that bigotry, wouldn’t you? 6. I wish they would stop equating our decisions to remain homosexual with being “misguided” or “sick” or in need of “healing” or “saving.”We don’t hate “ex-gays;” we simply desire to live free of their efforts to “recruit” us to their side. Don’t put nasty labels on our motives. That’s being judgmental and unfair.
7. I wish pro-gay religious leaders would admit that their endorsement and promotion of monogamous homosexual relationships is a facade. Many — probably most — men and women involved in long-term partnerships are not sexually monogamous, but gay churches don’t discipline members for committing “adultery” outside their “gay marriage.” Neither do they discipline gays or lesbians who have sex before entering into a “holy union” with their partner. 7. Pro-gay religious leader don’t have to admit anything about their endorsement of gay marriage. Any civil or religious recognition of gay marriage will always encourage monogamous relationships. Without gay marriage there are no restraints. To oppose gay marriage is to encourage promiscuity. I didn’t think Christians morally should encourage promiscuity in any form or group. 7. I wish anti-gay religious leaders would stop teaching that all homosexuals care about is sex. Many live in monogamous, happy relationships. Many — probably most — men and women involved in state-sanctioned marriages are not
sexually monogamous, but mainstream churches don’t discipline members for committing adultery outside their marriages. Some churches even allow admitted adulterers and divorced people to remain in the pulpit or serve as deacons. Also, there is no discipline for those heterosexual couples who have sex before their marriages.