My heart broke all over again as I participated in a Bible study recently and one of the participants — an openly gay middle-aged adult still struggling to gain basic family acceptance — shared their hurt, frustration and disappointment at never feeling quite free of that insidious insecurity we carry when those who claim to love us nevertheless make it clear that we are seen as less-than, as second class, as not good enough — and ultimately, as having no place with God in the long run.
Is there any hurt more exquisite than that of being on the receiving end of this from family, or even friends, who we want to trust and love?
The experience strengthened my resolve that if we as a people are ever going to survive these kinds of deep pains and live with dignity and emotional freedom, we may need to consider how we might better put these realities in their own little boxes and figure out how to live outside of them.
The fight for LGBTQ+ acceptance — much less equality — has always been one against a potent societal cocktail of ignorance, fear and hate masquerading as morality. And among the most vocal opponents of progress are the homophobic factions of the religious evangelical right — who still cling to outdated dogma and weaponize faith to justify their bigotry — or at a minimum, to stay in their own personal comfort zones. These tired shibboleths are like poisonous snakes coiled around the roots of most of the “moral” questions in life. But the hypocrisy is thick enough to choke on.
Here’s what I think: Let’s stop trying so hard. If we find ourselves attempting to engage in dialogue with people who just want to argue, then that’s our sign to move on, protect ourselves and instead expend that same energy on those who understand us, who love us for who we truly are, and who want the best for us.
To help with that, here are some truth bombs to help us shield our hearts and souls.
Truth #1: They’re living in the past
The religious right’s homophobic evangelical wing** (let’s call them HEW for short) thrives on a foundation of willful ignorance. Their beliefs are rooted in rigid interpretations of religious texts, cherry-picked to suit their prejudices while conveniently ignoring messages of love, compassion, and acceptance. These people are uninterested in and undeterred by facts, logic or the lived experiences of LGBTQ+ people. They’re hewing to an ossified narrative, no matter how many lives it harms. Trying to reason with someone who refuses to listen is like shouting into a void — it’s exhausting, lonely — and ultimately, pointless.
Truth #2: They’re not worth our time
Let’s be clear: The HEW crowd have forfeited their right to join the conversation about equality. Their rhetoric isn’t a “difference of opinion”; it’s hate speech dressed up as theology. Debating them legitimizes their bigotry and gives them a platform they don’t deserve. Equality isn’t up for debate. The humanity of LGBTQ+ people isn’t up for debate. By continuing to platform these voices, we waste precious time that should be spent amplifying those who actually believe in progress and justice.
Truth #3: They’re not worth our energy
Every minute spent arguing with someone who refuses to see reason is a minute stolen from meaningful action. Instead of trying to change the minds of those who are committed to hate, we should focus on empowering allies, educating the next generation, and advocating for policies that protect and uplift LGBTQ+ lives. Progress doesn’t come from convincing the most stubborn voices; it comes from building momentum with those who are ready to listen and act.
Truth #4: The present belongs to us
The HEW is fighting a losing battle. Society is moving forward, and their influence is shrinking with every passing year. Younger generations overwhelmingly support LGBTQ+ rights, and the tide of history is against the bigotry. Their desperate attempts to cling to power through fear-mongering and misinformation are the death throes of a dying ideology and theology. We don’t need to argue with them — we need to outpace them, outvote them, and outlast them.
Truth #5. The future belongs to us
The world we’re building is one where love wins, where diversity is celebrated and where everyone has the right to live authentically. The HEW has no place in that future. By refusing to engage with their hate, we deny them the power to distract us from our mission. Instead, we channel our energy into creating a world where their voices are drowned out by a chorus of acceptance, equality, and love.
Otherwise, arguing with them is like thinking you can convince a brick wall to move — it’s a waste of time, energy and breath.
They’ve made their choice to stand on the wrong side of history, clinging to their crumbling dogma while the world moves forward without them. So let them shout into a void. Let them cling to their outdated beliefs. We have better things to do.
We are building a world where love is louder than hate, where inclusion is stronger than exclusion, and where equality is not just a dream but a reality.
The HEW can either evolve or fade into irrelevance, but we won’t wait for them. The future is ours, and it’s coming fast.
So stop arguing. Stop justifying your existence to those who will never understand.
Instead live boldly, love fiercely, and fight relentlessly for the world you deserve. Because in the end, love always wins. Always.
** We’re not the first to need to give the patriarchy an updated sobriquet — just the latest.
Editor-in-Chief of Whosoever and Founding and Senior Pastor of Gentle Spirit Christian Church of Atlanta, Rev. Paul M. Turner (he/him) grew up in suburban Chicago and was ordained by the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches in 1989. He and his husband Bill have lived in metro Atlanta since 1994, have been in a committed partnership since the early 1980s and have been legally married since 2015.