Church Bulletin Bloopers

Actual announcements taken from church bulletins

Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge — Up Yours.”

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church. Come and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday in the recreation hall. Come and watch us kill Christ the King.

Miss Charlene Mason sang, “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.

Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire. Bring your own hot dogs and guns.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.

During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

Don’t let worry kill you off. Let the Church help.

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

The Lutheran men’s group will meet at 6 p.m.: steak, mashed potatoes, beans, bread, and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5 p.m. Prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the BS is done.

Low Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.