God Sues Kansas Preacher

TOPEKA, Kans. – (QPI) The Almighty filed suit against a Topeka church Thursday, in an attempt to stop one preacher’s defamation of Him.

“I am tired of that Phelps man’s portrayal of Me as a homosexual-hating, `whore-hating,’ deviant-hating, and otherwise choosy father of Man,” God said in an interview with CNN.

Fred Phelps, who leads the Westboro Baptist Church, is well known for his consistent statements about God’s hate for homosexuals, people Phelps believe are `whores,’ and people with mental disorders.

The lawsuit seeks a permanent injunction against Phelps, all members of his immediate family, and his church from picketing with signs such as “God Hates Fags,” “Whores Rot In Hell,” and “Sodomites Die.” The Almighty is seeking punitive damages to the tune of sixty thousand “Hail Mary”s and Phelps’s eyesight.

Phelps could not be reached for comment Thursday.

“Of course He could simply strike the Reverend down with a bolt of lightning or a heart attack,” said Kansas Attorney General Carla Stovall, “but it’s obvious that the last thing He wishes is to make Phelps a martyr.”

George Palmer, an Episcopal pastor in southwest Kansas, attended the funeral of Matthew Shepard, which Phelps picketed. Matthew Shepard recently died in an alleged gay bashing at Colorado State University.

“I’m afraid — of what He really could do to all of us if angered by the things Phelps says. That man that calls himself a Reverend should throw himself to the mercy of God,” Palmer said.

God kept his cool even after being called “un-God-like” and “sacreligious” by Phelps’s supporters.

“I am here on Earth to spread the same word of Love as that I gave to Adam and Eve. I cannot let a man such as Phelps lead Man into the chaos of hate and misery.”

Hearings for the potentially high-profile lawsuit begin November 9.