Remarks delivered at the Dakota OutRight Capital Pride 2023 Multifaith Worship Service.
The Golden Rule. A maxim revered in some similar form in almost every ethical tradition. What do these words mean? Who is our neighbor? How do we live with open ears and open hearts with our neighbors?
There once was a rural preacher leading a bible study. A student feeling astute in religion raised their hand to test the preacher. “Preacher man, what do I need to do to see life after death?”
The young preacher responded, “What’s written in God’s Law? How do you read it?” The student replied, “You just love God with all your being. And, you should be kind with your neighbor just as much as yourself.”
“Good answer!” said the preacher. “Do that, and you’re going to see heaven.”
Hoping to find a loophole, the student prodded, “And just how would you define ‘neighbor’?”
The preacher paused and answered the student by telling a story. Late one summer afternoon, a man was walking home from his city’s annual LGBTQ+ Pride Festival. People from every demographic were present — gay couples, straight couples, parents of LGBTQ+ children, siblings with their queer sibling, transgender people of all colors, gay and straight religious leaders, and many open hearts.
It was a good day to feel alive, to not feel shamed for simply existing or for being LGBTQ+. A few blocks down the street, a small group exited a convenience store and casually approached the man. They asked him where he had been and where he was going. He politely answered their questions, as the group seemed friendly enough, and it had been an uplifting day.
Suddenly the pleasantries disintegrated into vile hatred. The group grabbed him and flung him behind the bushes. Slurs and obscenities were hurled at this man for being at a gathering of “those faggots.” They stomped him to the ground and stripped him. After pummeling the man, the group collected themselves to take snaps to share online.
They laughed a good laugh, slapped each other on the back for “taking care” of another faggot, and went along their way with his phone, wallet, and clothes. It seemed as if hours had passed before the man regained consciousness and realized his condition.
In great agony, he pulled himself closer to the sidewalk. Assuming the festival might be coming to a close, he hoped someone with an open heart would walk by and help him.
He saw one of his local politicians approaching. He whimpered out for help, drawing the politician’s open ear. Surely, they will help, as the Representative had promised to fight for LGBTQ+ rights.
The politician was feeling smug about themself and the campaigning they had accomplished at the festival. They heard moaning and groaning from someone lying in the grass along the path. Oh great, another passed-out drunk, high on something, they thought as they closed their heart and crossed the street. It’s been a long day showcasing my presence and my support. My schedule doesn’t have time for this. I need to get home and post an update on how I am the only candidate for the gays.
A middle-aged woman cautiously stepped onto her balcony in the apartment building across the street after hearing a fight in the street below. She thought it was such a wonderful day, hearing the celebrations of life from her balcony, where she had hung a rainbow flag in solidarity. Now, this commotion disrupts such a peaceful day, she thought, wishing she could close her ears.
She saw something lying motionless, huddled under the bushes. Oh great, yet another gay has been mugged in my neighborhood. She saw another man approaching and knew he would help whoever was lying there. So much violence and hatred against those people, she thought. I will change my profile pic, so my friends will know my disgust with all this violence and my open heart. After all, gay rights are human rights.
Coming from the other direction, a man was walking to a bible study with his friends. The bloodied man saw him carrying a bible and saw kindness and an open heart in the man approaching. The man heard something in the bushes, saw the beaten man, and ahead in the distance, the festival ending, and felt awkward. Oh my, this must be one of those gays, he thought.
He had guarded sympathy for the man. He thought celebrating “pride” is so shallow and boastful and now look where it got this man. He hesitated, wondering what would happen if someone from the study saw him helping this man. Fearing his religious convictions being called into question, the man closed his ears and dashed across the street. “When I get to our meeting, I will ask the group to open their heart for a silent prayer for the homosexuals in this troubled world.”
A young woman had passed by the festival and was walking along the sidewalk and heard the whimpers from the man. The sight of the naked man troubled her polished morals. “See, I knew it,” as she closed her heart and ears. “All those gays and lesbians, all they do at that festival is run around naked, flaunting their horrid sexual proclivities and chosen lifestyle.”
“So many tender children are forced to watch such gross indecency. Those people, even my sister, make a big fuss about demanding their human rights. What about my rights? Why do they think they need special rights? I will write a letter to the editor demanding our city shut down this atrocity.”
“People must elect politicians who would never allow such filth in our upstanding state.”
From the same convenience store, a tough-looking character from the other side of the tracks walked toward his truck with his young daughter. The older man looked rugged with a leather jacket emblazoned with biker decals and patches.
The pulverized man saw them. Under other circumstances, he would never dare ask for help from someone who looked like that, all hetero and hypermasculine. But he had no fear left in him, and he moaned out in pain for help.
As the man was about to get into his truck, he heard what sounded like an injured animal. He had had a rough day, harshly fighting with his ex-wife about custody of their daughter. He just wanted to get home and put the day behind him.
Even though he was completely drained of any emotion, his curiosity about the noise got the best of him, and he opened his ears to listen more intently. Against his better judgment, he opened his heart, drew near, and found the bloodied, half-conscious, naked man lying halfway under the bushes.
The stranger thought of his own upbringing, remembering those Golden Rule words taught to him at an early age. Not wanting to startle the beaten figure, he caringly asked if he could help.
The injured man forced out a whisper of “Yes.” The father told his daughter to get a blanket out of their truck. He then called 911 on his phone.
As he waited for his daughter to return, he sat down in the damp grass and cradled the man’s bloody head in his lap. He asked the sobbing man if there was anyone he could call. The shattered man said there was no one; his family had closed their hearts to him years ago.
The daughter returned with a warm, worn blanket to comfort the stranger. Knowing the man could slip into an unconscious state, he and his daughter kept the man awake by asking him about his life, his day, and just anything to keep him feeling safe.
Waiting for the ambulance to arrive, they stayed with the battered man to comfort him and opened their ears and hearts to his life stories. The father asked the paramedics which hospital they were taking the victim to. He and his daughter followed the ambulance to the emergency room.
The concerned stranger went to the registration desk to give the staff his insurance and contact information, telling the receptionist to send all billing to him. The man returned to his daughter in the truck, and they drove home, exhausted, talking about a fundraiser for this young man.
The preacher looked intently at the student, “Which one of these people do you think was a neighbor to the man who the thugs attacked?” The student replied, “The one who stopped, opened his ears, and helped him with an open heart.”
The preacher challenged the student, “Then go and do the same thing he did!”
In this story, several people whose paths crossed with this young man that day heard his cries. Some had open ears, some had open hearts. But most listened to their own hesitations and expected others to open their ears and hearts.
One battered by life opened his ears to the man and, with an open heart, did what he could to help another human in need.
My question; how do we treat our neighbor with kindness? The prophet Micah teaches us what God requires: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. Could it be as simple as listening with open ears and open hearts with them?
A lifelong journaler, professional graphic designer and gay Christian rooted in Bismarck, N.D., Kevin R. Tengesdal (he, him/they, them) shares narratives centered on grace and authenticity at the crossroads of faith, identity and hope. He earned a bachelor’s degree in Biblical Studies and Biblical Languages from Columbia International University (including a year of study in Jerusalem) and a Master of Social Work from the University of North Dakota.