I need help. I don’t know what any of you can do but I need to tell someone how I’m feeling. I want to die. If I could find a painless way of doing it I would. I am all alone, and lonely. I’m 27 and never had a relationship. I have a good job, house, car but no friends. I am very self conscious so if I do make friends with someone I think they are only after something. Nobody knows I am gay. I don’t feel that I should have to tell people though. I am very lonely. I am very shy. I am a good person. Sometimes in the middle of doing my work I start to cry uncontrollably. I am very sad if I weren’t here I wouldn’t be missed at all I am only 27 but I can’t face the thought of going through this for another 50 to 60 years. What should I do? I don’t know. Help me.
While I am not an expert, it sounds like you are dealing with severe clinical depression and should seek some kind of professional counseling. Depending where you are in the UK, if you write back to me I might be able to give you some referrals.
Also, know that because of the lack of support and understanding about homosexuality, the feelings you have are not unusual. We live in a world where the prettiest, the strongest, the cutest, the youngest and the smartest get all the attention and the credit. Those of us who are a little different from folks are told over and over again we are not good enough or are not worthy. I know from which I speak as I have been there.
I want to remind you that God has made you and given you special gifts to give to this world. I am sure even though your letter doesn’t indicate it, you have talents and skills other people benefit from. Those skills and talents are gifts from God to this world. Use them to bring honor and glory to God and you will be blessed in mighty and wonderful ways. You have a home, car and a good job — those are blessings from God.
Making friends is about trust. Trusting them and trusting you. Yes, there are people out there that will use you or have some kind of hidden agenda, but if you interact with folks from a level or honesty and respect for them 9 times out of 10 that same honesty and respect will be returned. There is an old saying that says if you have one close friend whom you can trust with your life in a lifetime than you are blessed. So my friend it isn’t quantity but rather quality that counts.
You are 27 and at the beginning of life’s journey, which by the way is what life is, a journey not a destination. Along this journey you will learn many things, experience many challenges (some good, some bad). How you get through them depends on your attitude toward life. If you see and understand that God has made you and is with you every step of the way than you will know peace no matter what.
Shy is just another word for cautious and there is nothing wrong with that in this world that we live in.
You say you are a good person — that is all that God asks:
“And he said to him, Have love for the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest rule. And a second like it is this, Have love for your neighbor as for yourself.” — Matthew 22:37-39
Please stay in touch and if you want to continue to correspond or need a listening ear don’t hesitate to contact me directly. You are in my prayers. Remember, you are God’s creation, God’s child, therefore you are not alone and indeed are blessed.
Editor-in-Chief of Whosoever and Founding and Senior Pastor of Gentle Spirit Christian Church of Atlanta, Rev. Paul M. Turner (he/him) grew up in suburban Chicago and was ordained by the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches in 1989. He and his husband Bill have lived in metro Atlanta since 1994, have been in a committed partnership since the early 1980s and have been legally married since 2015.