Jesus’ Job Interview

Interviewer: “Have a seat, Mr. Jesus. Now, Mr. Jesus — ”
Jesus: “Excuse me. It’s just Jesus, not Mr. Jesus. Jesus is my first name.”
Interviewer: “You only have a first name?”
Jesus: “Yes.”
Interviewer: “Like Madonna?”
Jesus: “You know my mother?”

Interviewer: “Tell me why you think you are qualified for the job.”
Jesus: “Judging by the 58 requirements listed in your ad, it sounds like you are looking for someone who can walk on water.”
Interviewer: “You feel, you are just prefect for this position?”
Jesus: “Verily, verily. I am perfect.”
Interviewer: “Uh-huh. Right.”

Interviewer: “What do you do in your spare time?”
Jesus: “I mostly hang out with the guys.”
Interviewer: “Guys? What guys?”
Jesus: “These twelve friends of mine. There’s Peter, John, James, Matthew, …”
The interviewer writes in his notes: Carousing. May be late reporting for work. Possibly a gang member.

Interviewer: “What else do you like to do?”
Jesus: “I spend a lot of time helping the sick.”
The interviewer writes: Possible future health problems. May use many sick days. May actually try to use his medical benefits.

Interviewer: “Do you have any public speaking experience?”
Jesus: “Yes. I once gave a Sermon on the Mount that was attended by multitudes.” The interviewer continues his notes: Likes holding large meetings.
Interviewer: “Do you have any hard numbers for these multitudes? Perhaps from ticket sales?”
Jesus: “There were no tickets sold. Everybody was free to come who wished to hear. We even provided lunch.”
Interviewer: “You mean this was not a paying job experience for you?”
Jesus: “No.”
Interviewer: “Doesn’t count.”
The interviewer crosses out the last sentence of his notes.

A few days later, a letter is sent.

Dear Mr. Jesus,
We regret that we will not be hiring you for our position. It seems you have an arrest record.