When we read Psalm 37:3-4, “Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart,” we may not be able to hear what God is saying because we can only hear the words of a religious leader who has hurt us in the past concerning who God was and how God feels about us. Too often we miss the simple things in life because we are looking at them through a filter, or as the Bible puts it, ‘through a mirror darkly’. We, like Job, have established our relationship and religion based on what others have said about it instead of finding out for ourselves. Look at the following:
Job answered GOD: “I’m convinced: You can do anything and everything. Nothing and no one can upset your plans. You asked, ‘who is this muddying the water, ignorantly confusing the issue, second-guessing my purposes?’ I admit it. I was the one. I babbled on about things far beyond me, made small talk about wonders way over my head. You told me, ‘Listen, and let me do the talking. Let me ask the questions. You give the answers.’ I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all firsthand – from my own eyes and ears! I’m sorry – forgive me. I’ll never do that again, I promise! I’ll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor.” – Job 42:1-6, The Message
Like Job we muddy the waters and confuse the issue because we lived on crusts of hearsay and crumbs of rumors about who God was. We must establish who God is firsthand from our own eyes and ears before we can believe God is delighted in us and wants the best for us. “It doesn’t matter who you are, cause He made you perfect babe.” Lady Gaga I believe it all comes down to this one passage, “Without faith it is impossible to please God,” from Hebrews 11:6. When I see this passage I think to myself, “God we need to talk. Why were you pleased with me when I was considered ‘away’ from you and in ‘sin’, but the moment I begin to trust you and become ‘born again’ your pleasure in me is based on the level of faith I have at the moment? Are you bipolar, do you need meds?” So I did what Job did, I asked God about this very thing and this is what I learned for myself. Let’s say, you, the reader, and I are friends. You require me to call your cell phone every day, sometimes multiple times. You require me to have lunch with you at least twice a week and dinner three times a week. When we go out, we always argue over who pays the tab but in the end we share the load equally. Anything you ask of me in order to prove we are friends I do, but if you do not believe that I am your friend, then there is nothing that I can do to make you see me as your friend. These brings up an interesting point, if we do not believe God is pleased with us, then no matter what we hear, see or do will convince us that God is pleased with us. This passage is not telling us that in order for God to be pleased with us, we must have faith; it is saying that if we can’t believe God made us to delight in, then we will live our lives without the awareness of a loving deity who cares about everything we are and accepts us unconditionally. God stands on the edge of creation with his back to everything he has made and says your name just so he can hear it. Question everything you have been taught about God. Find out for yourself who God is and what is important. Even if you have to first throw out the god you were presented with and establish a new god, do it. This may sound crazy, but crazy is believing in an evangelical god, full of hate and judgment that does not exist, and continuing to feel like an outcast and rejected. What do you have to lose? If you are going to ‘hell’ because of your sexuality and there is nothing you can do to change it, then try changing the way you see God. I was shocked when I began doing this and realized I was a fool who believed anything someone told me without seeing if it was true. I was a turkey looking up at the rain soaked sky, drowning because I was too stupid to move. I found out God was very pleased with my sexuality, made me this way, trusted me to live my life with the gift of my sexuality, viewing the world from different eyes and showing compassion to all from a heart that is too big for one gender. It’s going to be OK, I love you, God loves you and Madonna is going on tour again. All is well.