The Laws of the Natural Universe

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. Variation Law: If you change lines or traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. Law of Lines: When you walk IN the grocery store, there’s never anyone in the checkout line. Inverse Hair Dryer Law: You’re sure you hear the phone ringing in the background, until you turn the hair dryer off. Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will. Law of Bio mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Theater Law: At any event, the people whose seats are farthest from the aisle arrive last. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. Murphy’s Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. Law of Natural Attraction: If you and your date are the only two on a five-mile stretch of beach, the family of five will set up right next to you. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about. Oliver’s Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet. Law of the Last Word: “Hey, watch this!”