Dear Bro,
Have you ever thought about the things we know now only by our efforts to understand ourselves and our environment? For instance, when I think about what our mother could have shared with me about the process of becoming a young woman (and then an older woman), I don’t remember her saying anything about what my first period would be like — much less menopause, or even what kind of bra to buy once my breasts start to need more support, if you know what I mean (not that I’d expect you to, but this particular search for answers becomes quite real as life progresses.)
Neither do I remember any discussions about what to look for in a partner — or that I could be attracted to anyone of the same sex. I don’t ever remember being introduced to homosexuality, gender identity, or being transgender, as options for my life.
I do remember a work ethic being introduced: “Give it all you got!” And what I wanted to give my all to was anything technological; I loved the stuff. First electronics in junior college, then computer programming and software development later on as I worked on my master’s degree.
You and I were talking the other day, and you reminded me of some of the things I did to help the family business — things like creating a database for Dad’s customers, and programming it to print on a pre-printed form. As you said, there was nothing like it at the time, and if I had been more of an entrepreneur I could have sold that program to many businesses. The database I created for the Illinois Department of Education could have been used in all 50 states, but I just made it for them with nary a thought of its potentially broader application.
I know Mom and Dad let me learn what were considered men’s skills at the time. It’s why I became the first technologist for the firm I would work for after tech school. And it felt great: I was working to help monitor the environment in an effort to slow down pollution. Wow! To think of all the potential there, if only I had stayed with them. I stayed for a little while at the state Department of Education after the second programmer got a job with Microsoft and left us, because when that happened it never occurred to me to look for another job. I enjoyed what I was doing, so I stayed. But what could I have become if I had never left at all, and just kept creating software?
Fast-forward to today, and I can’t help but wonder how much more prepared I would have been for the current stage of my life if Mom had just talked about things like menopause. In the absence of that, here are some of the things I’ve had the joy of experiencing on my own:
- All that hair I spent years shaving from both the visible and not-so-visible parts of my body has stopped growing and has turned light-colored.
- Your eyesight changes (which I did expect). Before my body hair stopped growing, there was a moment in my 40’s when it outgrew my eyes’ ability to perceive just how much progress it had made.
- Hair starts growing in new places — my face, for one. Facial whiskers, the beginnings of a mustache, and what for me would be the beginnings of a beard on my chin now require monthly maintenance. I imagine them to be growing as quickly as yours at this point.
- Hot flashes. Believe it or not, I also had to learn about this from the school of hard knocks, not Mom. Mine happen mostly when I’m sleeping. There have been times I’ve had to change bedclothes and sheets. As I’ve talked to others I’ve found out that my hot flashes were very mild. Some have them happen way more than mine ever did.
- I did know that there were other problems that can be brought on by menopause. As I approached my own “change,” my body decided to have migraines — days-long cluster events that took me years and many doctor visits to see as part of the bigger picture of bodily changes. But lately they’ve become less frequent, so my days of three-month-long migraines appear to be behind me.
From Dad I remember learning that joints can start hurting as we age — but I had no idea there were so many varieties of arthritis. Let’s just say I’m grateful for outpatient knee replacement surgery.
Let’s face it, as we all age, we need to know two things: What changes may happen as we age, and what health issues our parents and grandparents may have experienced. Family medical history is important because there’s so much you can inherit. On Mom’s side there’s high blood pressure, high cholesterol, thinning hair and adult-onset diabetes. On Dad’s side there’s the real possibility of living to 100, low blood pressure episodes, indigestion and dyslexia. When it comes to health issues, our parents were almost opposites.
For my part, I think I inherited mostly from Dad’s side. I’m dyslexic — and we learned that most of our cousins are too; the degree varies among us. But the one thing I did inherit that has caused many health issues came from my Grandfather Keener, who had rheumatoid arthritis and developed lupus later in life. I also have rheumatoid arthritis. As for lupus, I have many of the symptoms but so far have tested negative for it.
For anyone who hasn’t experienced arthritis, let alone rheumatoid arthritis, its signature is joint pain. It can be any joint in your body. I have two knees that filled quickly with rheumatoid arthritis, and while I’ve now replaced them both, I can feel the same symptoms in my hand joints — and there are a lot of joints in one’s hands.
What else have I learned to confront on this journey? There’s eye issues, such as cataracts or glaucoma. You may have to cut back on caffeine. Spicy food may not be an option anymore. And worst of all, it feels like you gain weight just by looking at food. Sleep seems to come along more frequently, like when you watch TV from your favorite recliner. Thank God I don’t have a recliner, or I’d fall asleep even more than I do now. I still nod off while watching TV, but I’m on the couch, where I can keep a pillow and a throw nearby and take a proper nap. If it’s late at night — that is, after 8pm — I just go to bed.
Thanks for listening. These are still only a few of the things I’ve discovered as I age. Most importantly, I hope anyone who reads this takes the time to get their family medical history so they can be more prepared for their own future.
Love ya.
Love, Alyce
The longtime Vicar of Education for Gentle Spirit Christian Church of Atlanta, Alyce Keener (she/her) has felt a twofold calling from an early age toward teaching and toward God. Her religious education started in earnest at her first vacation Bible school, which spurred the realization at a very young age of how important God and Jesus were in her life. She began to pray daily and later began studying the Bible in earnest in college, where she became involved with the Navigators, later taking classes at Moody Bible Institute. Born in Ohio, she earned bachelor’s and master’s degrees in Illinois, and was active in local churches, serving on a missions committee, helping develop a church library, leading educational programs and directing a young adults program.