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Why Noah Missed His Ark Building Deadline

And the Lord said unto Noah: “Where is the ark which I have commanded thee to build?”

And Noah said unto the Lord, “Verily, I have had three carpenters off ill. The gopherwood supplier hath let me down – yea, even though the gopherwood hath been on order for nigh upon 12 months. What can I do O Lord?”

And God said unto Noah: “I want that ark finished even after seven days and seven nights.”

And Noah said: “It will be so.” And it was not so.

And the Lord said unto Noah: “What seemeth to be the trouble this time?”

And Noah said unto the Lord: “Mine subcontractor hath gone bankrupt. The pitch which Thous commandest me to put on the outside of the ark hath not arrived. The plumber hath gone on strike. Shem, my son who helpeth me on the ark side of the business, hath formed a pop group with his brothers Ham and Japeth. Lord, I am undone. ”

And the Lord grew angry and said: “And what about the animals, the male and female of every sort that I ordered to come unto thee to keep their seed upon the face of the earth?”

And Noah said: “They have been delivered unto the wrong address but should arriveth on Friday.

And the Lord said: “How about the unicorns, and the fowls of the air by seven?”

And Noah wrung his hands and wept, saying: “Lord, unicorns are a discontinued line, thou canst not get them for love or money. And fowls of the air are sold only in half-dozens. Lord, Lord, Thou knowest how it is.”

And the Lord in his wisdom said: “Noah, my son, I knowest, Why else dost thou think I have caused a flood to descend upon the earth?”

And the Lord grew angry.