You might be a Unitarian Universalist if …

• you have ever been in an argument over whether or not breast milk is vegan.
• when you dress for a formal evening out you wear a little black dress, pearls — and Birkenstocks (and your wife thinks you look great!)
• you are unsure about the gender of God.
• you own six pairs of Birkenstocks and your favorite pair needs to be thrown away.
• you get Newt Gingrich confused with the Grinch who Stole Christmas.
• the money you sent to the Sierra Club last year was more than you spent on your mother at Christmas.
• you think the Holy Trinity is “reduce, reuse and recycle.”
• you study the “ten suggestions” instead of the “Ten Commandments.”
• the only time “Jesus” is mentioned at church is when someone trips or stubs a toe.
• your child says to you before eating dinner at a friend’s house “I’ll remember to say my ‘pleases’ and ‘thank yous’ but I’m not going to say that dinner ‘pledge of alliegance’.”
• You think a Holy day of Obligation is your turn to do coffee.
• You get mail from committees you didn’t know you were on.
• You know at least two people who are upset that trees had to die for your church to be built.