I am 26 years old and I am going through the most difficult time of my life. About 5 months ago I left a 5 year relationship with my partner. I want her back and I am not sure how I feel about that. She had to take on a roommate because I left. She is now somewhat involved with her, although she says she doesn’t love her. I have stopped speaking with her. She calls me about once a week and each time it throws me into a tailspin. I still love her with all of my heart. I have such internal conflict with my religion and my homosexuality. I don’t know what to do. I keep praying and I still feel lost and confused. I am not sure if I should pursue her or leave it be and throw myself into college and work. I wish I could put my feelings into the perfect words, but I am so drained. I miss her and it literally aches to be without her. She is the love of my life. I don’t know where to go from here. I feel like I am letting God down by wanting her. HELP!
Thanks,
Michelle
Dear Michelle,
Actually your biggest challenge is not your former relationship because right now that is not even important. It didn’t hold together because you have “such internal conflict with my religion and my homosexuality. I don’t know what to do. I keep praying and I still feel lost and confused.”
My dear child of God, you have to get yourself to a space where you know that God loves you just the way you are — that God created you just as you are — that God does not make junk — that God does not give a flip about who you love but rather how you love. Love is it about uplifting that person, honoring that person and most of all treating that person as a gift from God. Until you understand and accept these things for yourself no relationship will work out. What is the commandment? “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you are unsure of yourself how can you make a covenant with another?
God Bless,
Pastor Paul
Editor-in-Chief of Whosoever and Founding and Senior Pastor of Gentle Spirit Christian Church of Atlanta, Rev. Paul M. Turner (he/him) grew up in suburban Chicago and was ordained by the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches in 1989. He and his husband Bill have lived in metro Atlanta since 1994, have been in a committed partnership since the early 1980s and have been legally married since 2015.