I want to know: Am I a sinner if I like to be bisexual? Thanks for your response.
Dear Child of God,
In a word — NO! The gender of who we are attracted to in a sexual way is not a sin. However, how one handles their sexual practice can be a cause for sin. When we are having sex with no consideration for the other person and meeting only our needs, then we are participating in an abusive act.
Bisexuality simply means you are capable of falling in love with and maintaining a sexual relationship with either gender. Which gender you develop a committed and loving relationship with is your choice and theirs.
And not only is bisexuality not anything new in the course of human existence, it’s even referenced in the Bible, if you know where to look — starting with the story of David and Jonathan. (You may also enjoy the book Blessed Bi Spirit: Bisexual People of Faith.)
According to something called the “Kinsey scale,” (formally the Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale), people have a sexual orientation that ranges from being exclusively heterosexual (a zero on the scale) to exclusively homosexual (a six on the scale).
The scale is named for Dr. Alfred Kinsey, who developed it in 1948 along with colleagues whose research showed that the vast majority of people’s sexuality fell somewhere in between those two extremes. I suppose you could interpret that finding to mean that most people are actually capable of some degree of bisexuality.
The book Dual Attraction: Understanding Bisexuality, published in 1994, shed specific light on bisexuality based on extensive research conducted in the 1980s. It took an unflinching look at the heterosexual and homosexual foundations of bisexuality as it was actually experienced by the subjects of the study, and it explored how the study’s subjects pursued — or didn’t pursue — monogamy.
I mention all this because bisexuality has long been misunderstood and conflated with sexual confusion, promiscuity and worse — and these misunderstandings have come as much from the gay community as they have from non-LGBTQ+ people.
All of which leaves the actual bisexual person in the unenviable position of having to explain why their affections not only aren’t limited to a single gender — but also why they may make different life choices based on this. For instance, a married bisexual may, with their spouse’s blessing, pursue relationships with other people from across the gender spectrum. Or they may not.
At the end of the day, all I hope to see from any two (or more) people engaging in a sexual practice is that it is between consenting adults, it’s not exploitative, and it doesn’t have to be done in secret. Most of us seek love from at least one other person from time to time; just because some make the choice for that love to come from the same person for an extended period doesn’t mean that’s the only choice.
The most important choice we can make, however we choose to express or practice our sexuality, is to observe the Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12) and love one another as we would want ourselves to be loved.
Editor-in-Chief of Whosoever and Founding and Senior Pastor of Gentle Spirit Christian Church of Atlanta, Rev. Paul M. Turner (he/him) grew up in suburban Chicago and was ordained by the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches in 1989. He and his husband Bill have lived in metro Atlanta since 1994, have been in a committed partnership since the early 1980s and have been legally married since 2015.