1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I’m sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
4) Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.
5) The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere- and let the air out of their tires.
6) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
7) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
8) Laughing helps. It’s like jogging on the inside.
9) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
10) My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
11) If you can remain calm, you just don’t have all the facts.