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The Good Book
First Fruits: The Giving of the Harvest
"Behold I am Doing a New Thing" - A Vision of Harvest
More issues ...
Out of the Closet - and Into a Box?!
someone as touchy about being confined to cramped quarters as I am, coming
out of the closet and telling my husband that I am a bisexual last year
seemed like it would be a pretty freeing experience. So it was, for about
Don't get me wrong. My husband was incredible about the whole thing. He'd had some suspicions all along, as had a good number of my friends as I would later find out. The problem was never him…it just feels like it's almost everyone else.
When people in today's society think you're straight, well, then for
them there's really not much to think about. I mean, sure there's the
common soap opera gossip of what man or woman the person is currently
dating, but there don't seem to be a lot of common assumptions of how
a straight person lived other than, obviously, they are attracted to people
of the opposite sex. End of story.
I thought it would be just as cut and dry when it came to my own bisexuality.
I mean, when you break down the word, quite clearly bisexual means I'm attracted to both sexes. End of story, right? I thought so. But no, before I knew what had hit me I was getting it from all sides. Many straight and gay friends and family were in shock, horror and disbelief. Before long, I was termed a "swinger," a name I know many claim for themselves, but one that does not apply to me. You see, I'm monogamous. It's me, my husband, and that's all there is to it. Sure, I've been in relationships with women in the past but, once I met my husband, I fell in love with him and made the decision that it was going to be him and only him from then on.
Seems like an alright decision, right? Well, I'm still in a bad spot.
The straight and gay people who've expressed problems with my sexuality
say that in order to be bisexual it's quite clear that I must
be with both a man and a woman, otherwise I'm not really bisexual, but
rather straight. And yet I'm still for some unknown reason equally attracted
to both sexes? Right, that makes perfect sense. And the bisexuals I talked
to -- I was sure they would be all cool with me. I am, after
all, one of them. Not that simple. When I finally started meeting other
bisexuals I found that most of them were into the lifestyle of having
multiple partners -- often all at once.
Now, don't get me wrong, many of these people were wonderfully nice
human beings; very compassionate and understanding, even welcoming. However,
many of them started to ask me a common question, "If you're not with
a man and a woman, what's the point of you being bisexual?" Point? I wasn't
aware that my sexuality was supposed to have a point. I mean, when God
created me, He just made me attracted to men and women, like he makes
lesbians attracted to women, gay men attracted to men, and straight people
attracted to the opposite sex. I've always felt that the point of my sexuality,
if it has to have one, is love; not polyamory or polygamy.
So my poor claustrophobic nerves just went from a closet to a box. Not really moving up in the world of freedom. Line of thinking: I'm a bisexual, therefore I must have multiple partners. Not so. I'm happy with who I am, happy with the relationship I'm in and, while I respect decisions others make as well, their decisions don't have to be the same as mine.
Now that I think of it, I think I really do believe that there
is a point to my sexuality after all. I just recently remembered the story
in the Bible where Jesus was being asked which of a blind man's parents
sinned in order that he became blind. Jesus answer, essentially, was that
the reason the man was born blind was not because of any sin, but rather
so that the love of God could be made perfect in that person, and God's
presence could be known.
Quite frankly, I think it's the same with my bisexuality. It's not a sin, and not because of any sin. I believe that the reason I am bisexual, and the reason that I am monogamous, isn't because bisexuality is better or easier than any other orientation or because being monogamous makes me more loved by God than any of my polygamous friends. Instead, I was made the way I was so that God's glory could shine through my life. And maybe, just maybe, my life will help encourage others in their own walks with God. That is my prayer.
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