Editor’s Note: Please fill in the blanks with the denomination of your choice. How would the __________ Church deal with “the cat sat on the mat” if it appeared in the Bible? The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah: he floated his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh’s daughter: she went down to the bank of the Nile and picked
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God… “Lord, I have a problem!” What’s the problem, Eve?” Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but
Let’s face it — English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are
Actual announcements taken from church bulletins Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be
1. Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark. 2. Stay fit. When you’re 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big. 3. Don’t listen to critics — do what has to be done. 4. Build on high ground.
Original source unknown Sung to the tune of “These Are a Few of My Favorite Things” Big dykes with small dogs and butches with kittens; Diesels in tall boots with chains on their mittens; Femmes in their lipstick with rings in their nose; These are
The LukeWarm Church announces publication of “Church Songs,” whose title, according to the editor, was chosen because “we didn’t want to turn anybody off with threatening words that no one understands anymore like ‘worship’ or ‘hymn.’ People in today’s society get kind of uncomfortable with
1. A post modernist deconstructs the sign by knocking it over with his car, and thus ends the tyranny of the north-south traffic over the east-west traffic. 2. The Marxist refuses to stop because she sees the stop sign as an instrument of class conflict,
QUESTION: Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my PC? ANSWER: The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask: The Catholic Church’s approach to characters: The nice characters go to Heaven, where they are bathed