Introducing ‘Letters to Home’

This will be a regular column here at Whosoever.  The title of it is “Letters to Home.”  I will be writing letters to home that talk about me and what it is about living as an out and proud lesbian.

I want to introduce myself.  I am a single lesbian that came out of the closet to myself at the age of 40.  I had to stay in the closet at work for fear of losing a job (which I did lose because I needed to be openly gay).  I come from a Christian background where being gay is a “sin” and a “choice” one makes incorrectly.  I have spent most of my life single because I didn’t learn how to date when I was young and mostly because I didn’t find what I was told about dating working for me.

I also suffer from depression.  I know part of my depression has come from hiding who I was from myself.  A person should be able to be themselves and not a person that meets other’s expectations.

I went to a counselor to try to figure out why at the age of 39 I was still single.  I still remembering her asking me: “Have you ever thought you might be gay?”  My response still resonates in my life: “No, it’s not allowed!”

That was over 23 years ago and I am still fighting with the fact that I am a lesbian.  (Oh my, I really used the word Lesbian — it’s still a bit scary to use it). Then we researched why it wasn’t allowed. Most of that research said it was allowed!  Wow, it took a while but yep, I am gay.  I have been all my life.  I was born gay.

I know that there are those that condemn me for being gay.  I shouldn’t care, but I do.

I am glad that none of my family walked away or disowned me.  I do know it’s not a topic most of my family will talk about either.  We get together and talk about health, and other things.  I share about my church and all my church does.  I don’t get asked if I am dating or not.  I am not sure why, but it isn’t a topic that usually comes up.

If you are reading this and just coming out to yourself or the world, this is a great time to do it.  There are gay examples on TV so that you can see what same-sex marriage is like. There is a ton of stuff on the internet.

I didn’t have any of that.  Which is why I had a friend that sent me a book to help me learn about the “Gay World”.  I found a church that helped too. This also takes some hunting, but there are churches out there that just take people as they are.   I went to Gay Pride Atlanta and found organizations and groups that could help me meet lesbians and other gays.

So, I shall keep trying every day to declare and use the word lesbian to describe myself.  It isn’t easy, but I will continue every day to write home and share with you some of the things I have discovered about be me in this world.

Love, Alyce