Rescuing Sex from Fundamentalism

I was born in 1963 in a suburb of Los Angeles to parents who defy the national divorce statistics. I am a transcultural surfer. It is my desire in life to absorb as much as I can through experiential adventures so that I can taste, feel, touch, smell, and live all the beauty, pain, and majesty that this world has to offer. I am a Postmodern Polymorphous Christian activist with radical views of sex, religion, gender, politics and love.

I have been given the greatest gift from my God, the gift of tolerance and acceptance. With those gifts, it is my desire to make visible reparation to the societal rifts between sex and spirituality, and by example be a walking, talking dichotomy, and to represent all that doesn’t make sense. I am the strangest person you will ever love, and if you don’t know how to love, I will gladly teach you (I had to be taught too).

I treasure my spirituality – a unique set of principals learned from many people, experiences, and religions, and do not see any conflict between radical sexuality and my devout spirituality. I had been involved in many different spiritual practices: being raised Episcopalian, practicing Wicca & Buddhism, and now practice being my current potpourri of Christianity which incorporates much of the previous practices and evolves daily.

I have taught various classes on Human Sexuality since 1985. Beginning with a Sex Ed class at Orange Coast College (Orange County, CA) and most recently as a returning guest lecturer at San Francisco State University in the Human Sexuality and Psychology departments.

My sex education was thorough and frank. My Mom sat me down with Ms. magazine which had a graphical pictorial of the development of a fetus. There was no moral condemnation about sex but my mother, who was obviously uncomfortable with that talk, demonstrated her issues about sex. I spent my adolescence learning as much about sex as I could to compensate. My Mom had a copy of The Joy of Sex in her night stand and I eagerly read it cover-to-cover many times. I began having intercourse very young, knowing I always have learned better by experience rather than out of a book.

I became the school’s sexpert. Any time that anyone needed to know something about sex, they would come to me. If I did not know, I would find out.

I first met practitioners of ecstatic sexual rites when I was 20 years old (1983). I was attending a womens conference held at an exclusive retreat in the woods. It was here that I met several women who were very vocal about their sexuality and were in the midst of defending their right to express that sexuality. These women were strong in their beliefs and adamant about their desire to have open discussions about sex. I went to their rap group. I was curious, intrigued by anything new and unusual, especially if it ruffled the feathers of the crystal chic’s (Wicca practitioners), and listened intent on finding interesting activities.

Within the next few weeks, I had thrown myself fully into the strange yet very exciting world. I met many new and interesting people, most being mundane Sci-Fi enthusiasts, artists, doctors and lawyers. These people were of all sexual orientations and I was pleasantly surprised by the universal camaraderie within these groups of people. There was a common goal, to learn more, do more, and feel everything – albeit intensely.

I had come to terms with my own unspoken passions and had realized that what I had labeled as just kinky for me was what these people called plain-old sex. It was no longer us against them, like the crystal chic’s against the leather dykes, but myself looking head on to my own fantasies – my own shadow.

What a conscious exploration of my sexuality has given me is a theatrical venue to practice being powerful, but where it led me was a opportunity to encounter my maker – who is all power – for what made me could also unmake me. I have always stated that sex is therapeutic – but not therapy. It has been the vehicle to encounter everything that was dark and unseen in myself and not be consumed by them. It has led to a better understanding of my ability to communicate and empathize better with my peers. It has shown me the amazing capacity for pleasure that anyone can access. But mostly it has taught me that my entire temple/ body is an erogenous zone, not just my genitals, and that pleasure is the experience of the divine.

My passion for gospel music led me back to church, and to integrating my spirituality and sexuality publicly. For the past 3 years, I have taken numerous classes about Christianity and Sexuality, and have developed a working theology and living relationship with my God.

I have experienced much of the flesh and many spirits. But none of it means anything without Christ – who lives inside. However, God taught me that my ability love and philosophy about sexuality is a gift and that my gift could be another’s stumbling block. In other words – I am aware that my large capacity for love isnt the best news to share with anyone. (I’m dealing with compulsive disclosure issues, not to mention Christianiy’s idotic rhetoric about sex being evil) I just got lucky being able to love without people not just body parts. Love is bigger than sexuality, gender, faith, career, and monogamy. But all things are not good for all people. God is able to do exceedingly above and beyond your wildest dreams.

My future goals are to challenge the academic world with my tenacity, sing Gospel music till I’m hoarse, and be of service as I’m called. To those who are about to embark upon reading my experiences, I’m sorry if this is your first glimpse into these worlds that I am writing about. I apologize that I can never do justice in these descriptions — sometimes beauty tends to defy words. For the readers of this piece that are women, remember always that it is in your nature to create, alchemy is yours today — so grab your power and name it. I did. I urge you to take your own personal leap of faith and try something new, something taboo, something you desire and remember my credo: Needs are not negotiable, wants are.