When Mother Teresa died and went to heaven, God greeted her at the Pearly Gates. “Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?” asked God. “I could eat,” Mother Teresa replied. So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they
A boy was sitting on a park bench with one hand resting on an open Bible. He was loudly exclaiming his praise to God. “Hallelujah! Hallelujah! God is great!” he yelled without worrying whether anyone heard him or not. Along came a man who had
1. Blaming your farts on me!! Not funny, not funny at all! 2. Yelling at me for barking. I’M A DOG, YOU IDIOT! 3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway? 4. Any trick
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. If people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait
1. Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew! 2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time. 3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf. 4. I’ve decided to give our church the $500
Dentist’s Hymn: Crown Him with Many Crowns Weatherman’s Hymn: There Shall Be Showers of Blessings Contractor’s Hymn: The Church’s One Foundation Tailor’s Hymn: Holy, Holy, Holy Golfer’s Hymn: There’s a Green Hill Far Away Politician’s Hymn: Standing on the Promises Optometrist’s Hymn: Open My Eyes
Calvinists believe the game is fixed. Lutherans believe they can’t win, but trust the Scorekeeper. Quakers won’t swing. Unitarians can catch anything. Amish walk a lot. Pagans sacrifice. Jehovah’s Witnesses are thrown out often. Televangelists get caught stealing. Episcopalians pass the plate. Evangelicals make effective
1. Dear God, please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now. Amanda 2. Dear God, Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look
Little Leroy came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted. “Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.” Little Leroy was a bit
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company. Boy: