Instructions: You may answer all, any or none of the following. You do not have an eternity to complete the paper! How many different ways can you spell Schillibeeckx? Has the Church always taught anything? Be specific. Reflect on the Seven Deadly sins. Describe how
On the very first day, God created the cow. He said to the cow. “Today I have created you! As a cow, you must go to the field with the farmer all day long. You will work all day under the sun! I will give
Actual announcements taken from church bulletins Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be
Interviewer: “Have a seat, Mr. Jesus. Now, Mr. Jesus — ” Jesus: “Excuse me. It’s just Jesus, not Mr. Jesus. Jesus is my first name.” Interviewer: “You only have a first name?” Jesus: “Yes.” Interviewer: “Like Madonna?” Jesus: “You know my mother?” Interviewer: “Tell me
In the beginning… God created the heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Devil said, “It doesn’t get any better than this.” And God said, “Let there be light”
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the “accident of evolution” had created. “What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!” he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes
7. His first words to the congregation on Sunday morning are “alright, listen up you heathens…” 6. He falls asleep during his own sermon. 5. He shows up for Sunday service wearing Bermuda Shorts and a Tank Top 4. Every time his pager goes off,
1. The doors are never locked. 2. The Call to Worship is, “Y’all come on in!” 3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark. 4. The Preacher says, “I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering” – and five guys
Quarterback Sneak: Church members quietly leaving during the invitation. Draw Play: What many children do with the bulletin during worship. Halftime: The period between Sunday School and worship when many choose to leave. Benchwarmer: Those who do not sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything
Editor’s Note: Please fill in the blanks with the denomination of your choice. How would the __________ Church deal with “the cat sat on the mat” if it appeared in the Bible? The liberal theologians would point out that such a passage did not of